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How to ask a girl out on a date

You've found a girl whom you like but how do you go about asking her out on that all-important first date? Here's how to stack the odds in your favour

We've all been there. Our latest heart-throb is in our sights and we're dying to ask her out on a date or to dance or something to get the two of us alone together but we're petrified of getting it wrong. We feel like we've got this one chance for happiness and even the slightest error in our tentative efforts at courtship will result in a permanent refusal of our attentions. What can we do?

Well, the first thing you need to do is to decide whether this girl is just one of many and any will do (in which case this article is not for you - just go over to her, tap her on the shoulder and say 'how about you getting lucky tonight, then, darling?') or whether she is special. Assuming the latter, then the expenditure of a little time and effort is well worth it when considering the potential end result.

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. What does she want from a date? Let's list her ideal attainments.

• The date must have appeal
• It must not interfere with other arrangements
• The date must not be at a bad time emotionally
• She wants to feel her beau is desirable to other women
• That if the date doesn't live up to expectations, she will not be embarrassed
• She must feel safe in the knowledge that you understand the meaning of 'no'

No doubt there are many more considerations but you can add those yourself. We're just trying to get you thinking. OK, but now we've got a list, what exactly does it mean?

The date must have appeal

This does not mean that you take her to the most expensive restaurant you can find, swamp her with red roses and order a violinist to serenade her during the meal. In all probability she would find that excruciatingly embarrassing, make her excuses and leave. No, what it means is that it must sound a better deal than what she had planned. For example, if you pick a weekend night then you are in competition with a night out with her mates, perhaps a party and so on. It's a difficult nut to crack. Pick a lunchtime or a weekday evening and suggest a simple meal and a walk along the river, a quick drink or something along those lines and you have a real chance of winning.

The date must not interfere with her other arrangements

The last paragraph addressed this to some extent. Think about it. What is the probability that she will want to go out to a club with you when she has a girls' night out planned or that party to go to? Your chance of getting turned down is much higher, the more popular the time you pick.

The date must not be at a bad time emotionally

If you know she is feeling down, it may seem a good time to make a move but she will ultimately hate you for it and any relationship that follows will not be founded on a trust. Far better, be there as a friend and keep any 'date' as casual as possible and devoid of romance. However, beware of being seen as too good a friend because then you will find it difficult to make the transition. See Dating a friend

She wants to feel you are desirable to other women

No-one wants to feel that they have won the booby prize. No matter what the truth of it is, she needs to go away feeling that she is lucky to have you and that will not come from you telling her that in so many words (corny or what?). No, the best way to make her feel that is to a) be cool about asking her out ('Are you doing anything Wednesday night because I fancy a curry and maybe you'd like to join me? I've got a busy day at work on Thursday so it will save me cooking'). Now you're telling her that it's casual, you're a catch and that it won't be a late do because she will need to get home too. Don't forget to do her the honour of dressing smartly for the occasion - she'll notice the effort.

If the date doesn't live up to expectations, she won't be embarrassed

The first few dates are always about weighing each other up and it may well be that you just aren't suited to each other. She needs to feel that if it does go wrong, she will not be dragged down by it. For example, asking her on a date where a lot of her friends are going to be present could mean that if you got drunk and made a fool of yourself, she would be embarrassed in front of them. Choose a place where she can feel she can escape from if needs be and also not be seen by a host of her friends.

She needs to be confident that you understand the meaning of 'no'

This doesn't necessarily mean anything to do with sex. It can mean that if the date goes wrong or should she decide not to go on one with you, then you will back off and not bother her. You should also consider why she is saying 'no'. Is it because she really does not want to go out with you or is she genuinely committed to staying in to wash her hair (well, there are nights like that - they aren't all lies)? Listen to her choice of words and the tone in which they are given. If all else fails, make sure she knows how to contact you and then leave the ball in her court. This could well increase your appeal - if she has to chase after you, then you must be worth catching, one presumes.

Don't forget that the best weapon in your armoury is your smile - use it mercilessly.

We hope that has given you the confidence to ask a girl out on a date.