How do I date a shy man?
Is he backward in coming forward? If his shyness is an obstacle, how
can you overcome it?
A shy man can be a complex prospect. After all, what is that is making him
shy? Is it his upbringing, his natural character or has he, perhaps,
suffered some traumatic experience which has caused him to be reticent
around women? If you want to date a shy man you are likely to have your
work cut out but, at the end of it, and if it all works out to plan, you
will get a sensitive, loyal and faithful companion.
The key with dating someone who is shy is to keep the relationship moving
but doing so in a slow and controlled manner. It is absolutely key to your
ultimate success that the guy does not feel out of his depth which will
cause him to panic and, in all probability, break off with you.
Since you are going to have to do all the work in the initial stages,
let's look at how you are going to go about attracting his attention,
catching him and reeling him in.
The approach
He isn't going to come to you no matter how much you smile, wink, flirt
and so forth. In fact, the more flirting you do, the more introspective he
is likely to get. No, the answer is to ideally get an introduction by mutual
friends or, if that really is not possible, go across to him and say 'Hi'
and introduce yourself.
Making contact
Basic body language is in order here. Smiling makes all of us feel at
ease and most of us will subconsciously mirror the party doing the smiling.
Keep eye contact with him while he is talking as one of his fears is likely
to be that you are not interested in what he has to say.
The conversation
Let him do the talking as far as possible but have some neutral questions
on hand to interject with if the conversation lapses. Try to find out in
advance what his hobbies are so that you can bone up on them and ask
intelligent questions. If you can keep him talking, he will certainly want
to add you to his exclusive list of close friends.
Find common ground
Try to find some subject, hobby or other interest which you both enjoy or
can agree upon and get chatting about it. If your enthusiasm is genuine, he
can't fail to want to converse with you.
No-no's
Unless he invites you, don't ask your shy man about his girlfriend status
(or if he is gay, either) nor mention anything which might suggest any
romantic involvement between you. Ask him questions around the subject and
he will disclose that which you want to know, anyway.
Be at ease
Don't be too pushy, take the relationship one very small step at a time.
You will have to lead a shy man if you want to date him but don't ever try
to rush him.
Let your body do the talking
Start with eye contact, mirroring his position, keeping your body open (eg
not crossing your hands in front of your chest) and smiling. These three
things will help put him at ease. Eventually, when you have dated a few
times, start touching but do it lightly and in a neutral area of his body so
that he does not feel threatened.
Lead on
In the early stages keep it casual. For example, don't ask a shy man out
on a date straight off. Instead, mention a cafe you go to that does good
pastries or say you find a jumbo pizza too big and would he like to share
one with you? That sort of thing to begin with and then move up to getting
tickets for events and so on. You'll get there if you're patient.
We hope you feel we have gone partway to answering the question of
how to date a shy man.