When should I call after my
date?
You've had your date now what? You're thinking about ringing
up but should you and, if you should, what should you say? Does
all this ring a bell?
The date is over and you've arranged to see each other again. So far, so good
- the only problem is that you have a burning desire to call them up. If you
do that will it be communicating that you are a nuisance and to be avoided or
a serious contender for a long-term relationship? To call or not to call? Here
are some rules of thumb for how not to get off on the wrong footing.
Should you call immediately after the first date to see that the other
person got home safely? If you do this you may come across as pushy and
desperate. Your date may also be tired and have other things on their mind.
Better is to send a text just simply saying, "Just checking to see you got
home OK x". This is non-invasive and the date can respond when he or she feels
like it. Note the one 'x' which is affectionate but not over-romantic.
Don't ring the next day unless you have arranged to do so as it will make
you look too keen. You should, however, get a call in the next day - leaving
it longer than 48 hours makes it look like you aren't interested. Always thank
the other person for coming and for helping make the evening pleasantly
memorable.
Think of what you want to talk about before you ring. You will probably
still be a bit nervous so some notes by the side of the phone won't go amiss.
A typical structure might be - 'Thank you for the date - how are you - a funny
story about what has happened to me since the date - are you free on Friday
evening, Saturday morning or Sunday?'
Unless the content of the conversation dictates otherwise, try to talk with
a smile on your face. This will come out in the tone of your voice and we all
love to talk to someone with a sunny personality.
The first few telephone conversations should be relatively short and
mathematically proportional to the time you have spent together. It is not
properly balanced to spend 2 hours together on a Wednesday evening in a quiet
pub and then expect to be on the phone for the same amount of time on the
Thursday. You just do not have that amount of common ground to build on. You
need to develop the relationship slowly but steadily. A long phone call can be
incredibly invasive and the other person may be too polite to tell you that
you are being a thorough pain.
Always keep your promises regarding calling. Do not hide behind a phone -
ie not ringing as a way of shedding an unwanted suitor. If you want to give
your date the elbow do it clearly and succinctly and as painlessly for them as
you can muster. If you string them along by giving them false hope it will
cause them to suffer needlessly.
Don't leave loads of messages. If your date is too rude to reply then you
have your answer about either how they feel about you or how they behave
generally - either way you need to get rid of them. Leave one follow-up
message 'Did you get my message about ...'. If you still hear nothing, move
on.
Text messages are fine and a cheap and easy way to communicate but they
cannot impart the tone of a voice. Only use texting where the message is
simple and 100% unambiguous or where you have to call but feel that it may be
inconvenient for the other person.
We hope that this gives you some ideas of when to call after a date.