Let's look at the various key components of body language.
The first impression counts
No, it's not ancient mumbo-jumbo, it's as true
now as the day someone first thought of the phrase. When someone sees you
for the first time, you probably have less than one second to register as a
'hit' or a 'miss' with them. So, and as far as your body permits, stand up
straight, put your shoulders back, and hold your head up. Make sure that
your clothes are clean, freshly-pressed and that you have the faintest aroma
about you of a classy aftershave/perfume, quality soap or deodorant.
The eyes have it
If someone has told you that sunglasses look cool, they were having you
on. Eye contact is incredibly sexy so, if you want to be a real hit in the
dating stakes, use your bedroom mirror to practice flashing a simple and
winning smile combined with full eye contact. You will be glad you did. If
the person you want to meet refuses to make eye contact with you then move
on immediately. There are a number of reasons why he or she might be
avoiding your contact and none of them have a happy ending so just smile
again and look away.
Put your whole body in
How you stand speaks volumes about you. We have already established that
slouching is apologetic and self-deprecating but there is much more. Look at
your feet. Are they open and pointing towards the person you are talking to
(I'm interested in you) or are they pointing away (oh, get me away from
here, now!)? Are your legs uncrossed (I would consider us to be potential
mates) or crossed (get back)? Is your chest thrust towards them (I like you)
or drawn back (I'm ready in case you try to hit me)? Are you both
mirroring each other (we are good friends or better) or are they at odds
(war may break out any minute)?
The use of props
How you hold your drink, plate (at a buffet, for example) or any other
object screams volumes about you, too. If the object is placed between you
and the other person, it indicates suspicion and general dislike of one
another. Arms open (thus exposing your heart to weapons) indicates trust and
friendship.
What are your hands doing?
Obviously tapping a hard surface indicates irritation and boredom but
they can say a lot more, too. Softly stroking the side of a glass, playing
with your hair, adjusting your clothing are all indicative of sexual
attraction. Even more sensual is the quick deliberate touch in a
non-threatening location like a pat on the shoulder, a straightening of a
tie, the removal of a hair from a collar etc. On the other hand, a pointing
or wagging finger, fists balled or clenched or the fiddling with glasses,
their watch etc can all be perceived to be dismissive or even aggressive.
Finally, here are some general rules of thumb for the application of body
language.
- You should always leave yourself a way out and an opportunity to save
face. It's not that what a stranger thinks of you matters in any way, it's
just that a bad experience might unsettle your confidence for the future.
- Give something your best shot and then move on. Never follow someone
around like a lost puppy - they will only despise you for it.
- Don't get drunk, smoke weed or (if food is involved) arrive so hungry
that you spend the entire event obsessed with filling your stomach.
- Don't give more 'come-on' than you would be happy to go with if you
strike jackpot
We hope you now have some ideas for how you can use body language on a date.