Broken relationship? Is it too late to be repaired?
Is there a rift between you? Splitting up may seem to be the answer but stop and think for a moment, first
Is your relationship with your partner rapidly approaching the point of no
return? Are you at the stage where you just don't see any future together and
the only prospect or retaining some level of happiness in life is to go
separate ways? Wait just a second. Despite what you think, it may not be too
late to repair a broken relationship.
Determining for sure whether it is too late to repair a broken relationship
involves the co-operative participation of both parties in the relationship.
Before the pair of you sit down together, take time out to make your own
individual decisions. You should ask yourself whether the relationship is
working or not and if you are willing to work towards the success of the
relationship. Both parties should deeply think before reaching their
conclusion. In a case where the relationship has deteriorated due to the
infidelity of one party, the other party must be clear about whether they are
willing to stay and give it 'one more go' or to leave.
Having concluded that you would choose to stay together if the divisive
issues were removed, you both now need to reflect on how long you have been
together and how close a relationship you have enjoyed. In the real world,
these things are not so easy to rebuild as you might think even if you have a
potential substitute for your current partner all waiting in the wings.
When it comes down to it, there are few cases where the relationship may
have reached a point where no amount of intervention can revive it. In cases
where the problem is recurrent or one or both of the parties is not willing to
make a sacrifice for the sake of the relationship, then it can be too late and
it is time to break up. Otherwise, you still have a chance so take it.
This is a time to be coldly and clinically 'professional' about it all. Put
hate and anger aside and look at your relationship for what it is. For the
moment forget all the things your partner has done that has riled you up,
irritated you or which you feel have betrayed your trust. The important thing
is to establish whether the relationship is beneficial to both of you and
whether you can accommodate your partner.
An important factor to consider when deciding whether it is too late to repair a broken relationship
is the particular stage your relationship is at - dating, courting or
formalised (ie married). At the dating stage, there is usually little other
than pride at risk and, if you are really not happy with your partner,
it may well be an appropriate juncture to draw the line and move on.
The problems start at the courting stage. While there may (and should) only be
a slow and gradual transition from dating to courting, a couple engaged in
full-blown courtship are a very different proposition to two people just
'dating'. Courtship is a public display of love for one another - the giving
and wearing of an engagement ring, the setting of a wedding date, holding
hands and other physical manifestations of mutual affection. If you are
courting, you already have a high level of commitment to one another and,
probably, a great deal invested in your relationship. If you are at the
courting stage then effectively there is little difference to being married.
Think carefully before you throw in the towel.
Once you are married, the divorce process forces you to take stock of your assets and
obligations as your formal contract of marriage is dissolved. Like any
contract that is terminated prematurely it will be messy, very messy. Do
yourself a favour and, before you make any decision on your relationship, just
stop and consider how difficult it would be to split your home, possessions
and savings down even if the two of you were happily and contentedly working
together towards a common goal. Now imagine your partner has a completely
different agenda, is trying to cheat you or, at least, obstruct you every step
of the way. If you can visualise that you are part way towards perceiving how
unpleasant the whole process will be. Divorce can be an answer but it is not a
simple solution.
It gets even more complicated if you have a child
and, if you do, you both owe it to them to take your offspring's needs and
feelings into consideration. Obviously having two parents in a constant state
of war is not going to be a recipe for a happy childhood but divorce can be
little better. Think it through slowly and carefully first.
If you have got this far and still don't see a way forward, do make one last effort
and consult a third party such as a counsellor. It might just be that someone
on the outside can see a way in which you can go forward together. They are
also better equipped to show the both of you what you will be throwing away if
you do decide that it is too late to repair your broken relationship.
Good luck with your decision. We hope you are now at least part way to knowing the answer to
'is it too late to repair a broken relationship?'.