How can I end an affair?
How do you throw over your fling? The love affair's over and it's time
to put your dalliance to an end and go back to your spouse - but how? No
cheating!
You've been naughty and seeing someone outside of your relationship. When
it comes down to it, though, you don't want to lose your longstanding
partner and, put to the choice, the new one has to go. Maybe you feel
guilty, maybe it's just run its course or maybe what caused you to stray
in the first place has been resolved. For whatever your reasons, you have
finally decided to end the affair and are now struggling to find the right
words to do it with.
The only question to answer is whether or not you confess your sins to your
partner. You will have to weigh that one up carefully as it is a mixed bag
and you can lose everything very easily whichever option you choose.
First, though, what are you trying to achieve by 'ending the affair'?
End the affair once in a very definite way
If you have decided to end the affair, then end it. If you are
wishy-washy, you will drift endlessly in a sea of uncertainty until you are
either caught or your lover tires of you. Grasp the nettle and go for it.
Don't beat about the bush, come to the point and say 'It's over' and mean
it.
Not to hurt your lover's feelings
Unless you are angry with them and somehow want to prove a point (Why?
You're finishing with them so just go!), there is nothing to be gained by
hurting their feelings. Saying things like 'we used to be so good together
but it's got stale for me' or 'I don't love you as much as my husband/wife'
or (worse) 'it was just a fling, anyway' are just pointlessly offensive. They can read that between the lines -
there's no need to rub their nose in it.
Close the door once and for all on the affair
The affair is over and there is no more to discuss. If you have not been
positive with your lover about ending it, you will never know whether you
are coming or going. If you hint at reconciliation such as 'maybe one day we
could ...' or 'I have to be with my spouse right now but ...' is just going
to make a mess of things. It's not fair on your lover, either. They need to
move on and start afresh and not hang around waiting for you.
Cause confusion in your lover's mind
Declaring your undying love and then ending it all is going to freak your
lover out. He or she will be completely confused and, as a result, far more
hurt than if you had just announced that you were never going to see each
other again. It's all too easy to try to soften the blow of your ending the
love affair by using hyperbole or flattery. All you achieve by doing this is
to send mixed messages to your lover.
The trouble with the situation is that it is one which should never have
come into existence in the first place. Consequently, there is no good guy
nor bad guy between you and your lover and neither of you has necessarily
done anything wrong vis-a-vis each other or your relationship. Therefore,
there is no point looking for recrimination, trying to pin the blame for the
affair's 'failure' on one party nor by trying to lighten the blow of the
love affair's termination.
Remember at all times - the only victim in all this is your real family
and you will need to be very careful how you handle the next stage of ending
an affair.
We hope you now have some ideas for an answer to how I can end an affair.