Help! My girlfriend left me - what should I do?
So, you've been dumped by your girlfriend - what now?
Your girlfriend or wife has just left you and your life seems to be going nowhere
and you can't see or be bothered to see where you can go from here. Have I
summed it up? If you're going to get over this quickly (and you are going
to get over it - it's just a question of how quickly), then we need to get
you started down the path to recovery.
Before we begin, you need to face some facts. The reason why you are on
your own is either because of something you did or, more likely, something
you did not do. If you don't know what this act or omission was then you
clearly didn't spot the warning signs your girlfriend was sending you.
Next time around, make a note to pay closer attention to your partner.
Contrary to the opinion of some of your male friends, the answer is not
to go out, get rat-arsed drunk and end up in bed with the town's number
one scrubber. All that will do is to make you even more miserable and
wretched feeling.
Spend the next couple of weeks sorting through the wreckage of your
relationship and, as coldly and clinically as you can, deal with the
practical side of your girlfriend's departure. For example, telling anyone
who sends you bills, the tax office, more distant friends and so on. Even
if you are tempted to burst out with 'The bitch left me' or 'What am I
going to do without her?, don't. Keep your advices to the point.
Concentrate on the fact that you are going to get through this and one
day not far hence you will have, for all practical purposes, forgotten
that your girlfriend left you. Now, start following this sequence of
recovery steps.
Remove all physical signs of your girlfriend
Unless she has specifically said to do so, carefully package up
everything that belongs to her and get it back to her - either in person
or, if you can't bear the thought, get a courier to do it. Under no
circumstances smash stuff up, add caustic or pleading notes or keep
anything back as hostage. If it is hers it goes back and you keep your
dignity at all costs - that is critical. Anything that is yours but
reminds you of her should be put in a bin bag or box and put aside for a
future decision. Get it out of your sight. You don't need to be looking at
a photo of her on your bedside table every night.
Break off all contact
If you have to discuss anything (such as share of bills, forwarding
post and so on) then keep your conversations short, to the point and
always businesslike. Don't beg her to come back nor give her information
about yourself - she forfeited that right when she left. If you are to get
back together again then the only way that can happen successfully is for
her to beg you to take her back and that will only come about if she can
see you as a strong and dignified man that she was a fool to ever leave.
If not, one day you will feel glad you behaved this way.
Do a stock-take of your personal assets
Now is not the time for blinkers or modesty. Look at yourself
critically and try to see what she saw. What are your worst faults? How
can you stop them? Do you need to dress better, get fitter, improve your
temper, spend more time at home, stop flirting with other women? Whatever
it is, don't hide from it as you will only be in the same miserable spot
in a few months time when another girlfriend has dumped you because of
your bad habits.
Move on in a new direction
It may be that you shared the same circle of friends and that is how
you met. It would be an easy matter for you to start dating one of your
joint female friends who is now alone. Don't think about it. All that
shows is feebleness and, also, any and every thing you do is likely to go
straight back to your ex-girlfriend who may be curious about what you are
up to as well as corrupting and enlightening your new date by listing all
of your faults. Instead, try different pubs and clubs, online dating,
start a new hobby, go to night school - anything and everything that
constitutes a new beginning.
Don't lower your standards
The blonde with the big knockers and the empty head may well be easy game but she is not your type so don't get her into bed just to prove 'you
still have it'. Don't confuse sex with love and use one to fix the absence
of the other. By your age you know the sort of girl whom you really go for
so find one of them and start putting into practice your new resolution to
stop your bad habits and to always pay attention to the little signs that
a girl is not happy in the relationship.
By now you are either completely over your girlfriend leaving you or
you have got her back (because she's realised just how silly she's been).
Either way, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
Good luck with your relationship. We hope you now have some ideas for
how to rebuild your life without your girlfriend.