How To Understand women and read between the lines
Are you confused, bemused, baffled and bewildered? Welcome to the
crazy world of a man trying hard to understand a woman
To understand women is to master the art of deciphering the words and body
language of, at times, enigmatically indecipherable. It is well-known that
they can say one thing yet mean another yet we, as men, are also deemed to
know when 'no' means 'no'. It can be confusing and often the only safe way
for a man to play it is to always to err on the side of conservative
behaviour. Then you are told that 'faint heart never won fair lady'. Oh,
how can you understand women?
The first step down the path of knowing how to understand women is to
learn and accept that sometimes what we mean is what we don't say and most
women, perhaps because of their typically lesser physical strength, are
masters of this gift. For example, if she says to you 'I don't like going
to expensive and fancy restaurants because the meals are ridiculously
expensive', she is not saying to you 'I don't like eating in restaurants'.
If you take her literally and keep expecting her to get you dinner then
you are likely to get grumbled at 'why don't we ever go out any more?'.
See what I mean? You took her too literally and didn't really listen.
OK, so you need to put this advice into effect as quickly as possible but what is the best
way? Well, if you go on asking questions like 'shall we go out for dinner'
you will go on getting woolly and evasive answers. The best way to prevent
this from happening is to rephrase the question to either a specific 'would
you like to go to Luigi's restaurant?' or to turn it into a series of questions such as
'Would you like to eat Italian this evening?', 'Would you like to try
Luigi's' and so on. Note, asking her 'what shall we do?' is very weak and, unless
you know each other very, very well, such display is to be avoided at all costs. Women,
generally speaking, like to have men appear to make the suggestions.
Another weapon in your arsenal of learning how to understand women is
to acquire the ability to read her body language. You don't need to be a
genius or invest much time in simply observing whether her position is
closed (arms folded, objects placed between you, stance at variance with
yours, posture leaned back from you) or open (arms open, a cleared space
between you, stance mirroring yours and posture leaning towards you). Ask a
few innocent questions (weather, television, news, 'how was your day' etc)
and carefully observe her. If her body language position is closed, she is telling you
that your presence is being tolerated but the pair of you are entirely
separate individuals and most emphatically not an 'item'. If her body
language is open then she is indicating that she is receptive towards you (this is
not a sexual come-on, it is an invitation to continue with or enter into
courtship - note the difference!).
Finally, there is a child in most women's hearts - it is probably a part
of their maternal instinct. Therefore a woman with whom you have entered the
courtship phase with will display childlike (not childish) behaviour at
times. A typical manifestation of this is their joy of (little) surprises.
However, before you think that the way to wow your new date is to whisk her
off to a luxury holiday in the sun or to bombard her with flowers at her
place of work, think again as you will only embarrass and alienate her in
doing so. Go back and re-read this page from the start.
As I have said, firstly, you need to establish that she is open to courtship and secondly
you need to listen carefully to what she isn't saying.
A surprise should be only slightly 'over the top' thus, if you have
been out with someone a few times and are just beginning courtship, a small
box of fancy chocolates is a far more appropriate present than an expensive
piece of jewellery. If you think that this statement is wrong then you are
either missing the point or you are dating the wrong kind of girls. If you
know each other very well (or are married) then a weekend in a romantic
place is perfectly appropriate although if you have reached the stage where
you have pooled your finances then she may not appreciate you spending 'her'
money without consultation.
One thing you should always bear in mind throughout your attempts to understand women
is that apart from the gold-diggers and serial daters, women are constantly assessing you
against their internal checklist for what constitutes an ideal life-partner.
If you were them, what would you want? Probably it would be someone who could be counted on to keep the romance alive through the years, provide for their
family, be a good friend and confidant and who would love and cherish you in
return for your affection. It would not be a spendthrift who doesn't listen,
acts on impulse the whole time and so forth. See things from the women's
point of view for a moment. Would you feel safe with you (and I am not just
talking about in the physical sense) if you were her?
We hope you feel we have gone partway to answering the question of how
can I understand women.