Should I run a background check on the person I'm meeting
Your date may want to put the past behind them but if they present you with a background check it may help your future happiness - now's the time
A background check can take a variety of forms depending upon how thorough you want to be and how much you want to pay. In the USA it is easier to get access to this information than in the UK where details of offenders - particularly sex offenders - is not made available to the Public. We'll look a each location separately.In the US there are companies who will do a National Criminal Search as well as a Sex Offenders search on any individual for whom you have a first and last name and date of birth. Sweetheartchecks is one such company and, at the time of writing this, they charged $10 per person for their service.
Unfortunately the information that companies like this can provide is only as good as the information available. The main snags are:
- Civil servants do make errors
- Some states won't divulge this information
- The reports are not updated daily (it's usually monthly)
- They can only quote back convictions not trials nor suspicion
- No amount of checking can guarantee how someone will behave - there's always a first time
- Criminals use aliases to baffle background checks
In both the US and the UK, there exists the option of hiring a private investigator to look more fully into the background of the person you are proposing to meet. This will give you a much more detailed report and confirm such details as where they work, whether they already have a marital partner and family (don't forget that a background check is not just about sniffing out sex offenders) and whether they have financial problems. The main setback with getting a PI to do a background check is, of course, the cost.
Before you get in the situation of needing a background check, try to follow our specific guidelines for online dating which should go a large way towards protecting you. After then, and if you can, do consider getting a background check done. My recommendation is that you are completely 'up-front' about it to the other person and you ask them for the details you need to run the check. Before you say 'it's too embarrassing', just stop and think for a moment. What are the possible outcomes?
If the other party is angry then what does this tell you? It suggests that either you have rumbled them or that they have got a bad attitude. Anyone who objects to the idea of you wanting to look after yourself is not worth knowing. A genuine person with nothing to hide would co-operate and even be pleased to know that you have a level head and are not afraid to tackle a potentially difficult situation. Remember that a personal slight is only an insult if you know the person. What would you tell a child? 'Don't trust a stranger'. Well, follow your own advice and be cautious and go for a background check if you can.
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred (or maybe more) your request to do a background check and the subsequent data will show nothing. The act of asking, in itself, may flush out an unpleasant character.
Never judge a book by its cover. I remember when my company was assessing people to work with children. A lady wanted to apply and I happened to end up personally speaking to her. She was a nice old dear - just the sort you'd love to have look after your kids. She assured me she had all the right clearances and certificates and would 'send them on after she got started'. Something in me made me wary of her and subsequent checks showed that she had multiple aliases and Social Security numbers and was, in fact, a serial sex offender. She was one of the two most dangerous people I was to come into contact with in fifteen years of running the business.
So, in conclusion:
- Don't think someone who sounds nice is nice - it may be a ploy
- Don't let someone's 'indignation' put you off doing what's right
- Don't be afraid to do a background check
- Do follow our advice for online dating meetings
- See also our guide for safe online dating